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Choosing A Marriage Counselor
by Spaventa Impego
http://www.abcmarriage.com
A positive trend becoming noticeable in marriage counseling
and therapy is that more couples are going in for counseling
before seeking a divorce. However, there are more useless
and incompetent marriage counselors and marriage therapists
than ever. So it's best to check out and look for the best
marriage counselor or therapist before you go into marriage
counseling or marriage therapy.
Marriage counseling is vastly different from general
psychological therapy and should not be mistaken for it.
Very often, people go in for individual counseling and then
bring their mate in for marriage counseling or therapy. This
is the wrong way to go about it, because therapists who
focus primarily on individual therapy don't, as a rule, make
good marriage counselors or marriage therapists. The right
way would be to select a therapist or counselor whose
primary focus is in on marriage counseling.
And it's always a bad idea to bring a partner into marriage
counseling with a therapist who you already have a
therapeutic relationship with because that relationship
could, and usually does, cloud the therapist's judgment in
regards to marital issues. So always seek a marriage
counselor who doesn't already have a relationship with
either of you. This ensures that the marriage counselor will
be more open to hearing and evaluating both sides of the
marriage story. At the very least, you start out on equal
footing.
It is always said to be wise for having a phone interview
with the marriage counselor and therapist before making an
appointment. If that is not feasible then use your first
meeting as question answer session. You should ask a number
of questions to the therapist, as it is you who can save
your marriage from the disaster. If you find that therapist
is not able to answer your queries with ease, then go in for
someone else with the experience.
You need to check the marriage counselor's credentials and
background. You should check his track record to see how
many marriages he has saved versus the number of them that
were dissolved. Avoid the extremes. Instead look for someone
who is neutral, if possible. Be wary of a marriage therapist
who tells you he doesn't believe in divorce. No matter how
much you'd want to save your marriage, you should hire a
marriage counselor who will help both of you through making
the decision and any transition that's necessary.
At any point during the meeting with marriage counselor you
sense biasness or unfairness, simply change the therapist.
Marriage counselor's main aim is to give equal support and
attention to both the partners. He or she should be
objective enough to highlight your problems and issues
without making you feel "right" or "wrong". Quite often you
tend to feel that therapist is pointing at you again and
again which can't be comfortable always. If you judge that
it's you who is left alone and not heard frequently then it
is sensible to look out for another marriage counselor. It
is not good to be pointed out as a bad guy or girl always.
The worse thing that can happen to your bad marriage is a
bad marriage therapist.
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